Instead, I mark my brief return to the blogosphere by penning this masterpiece.
Lucy and I were talking this evening about football and Harry Potter (as we do) and the two subjects started to mix. The discussion started with Thomas Vermaelen clearly being a Slytherin. Not because he is evil (on the contrary, he is wonderful and amazing and full of so much win...wow, I'm pretty sure this infatuation is not going to go away anytime soon) but because he is pale and slightly vampire-esque and sticks his tongue out a lot like a snake. He just has a very Slytheriny vibe.
So we started sorting other footballers into houses, and this is what we came up with (side note: I was watching a replay of Saturday's Arsenal game, so a lot of these happen to be Gunners)...
Gryffindor [Head of house = Pep Guardiola]:
Thierry Henry
Cesc Fàbregas
Robin van Persie (although he could potentially be in Ravenclaw too...he's a smart guy)
Steven Gerrard
Theo Walcott
Raúl Gonzalez
Andres Iniesta
Alex Song (specifically Neville Longbottom. He used to be pretty hopeless, but he's really started to come into his own. Perhaps one day he will help to bring down Voldemort's army AKA Manchester United, OBV.)
Hufflepuff [Head of house = Guti AKA Professor Lockhart]:
Gonzalo Higuain
Vedran Ćorluka
Nicklas Bendtner
Manuel Almunia
Aaron Ramsey
Lukasz Podolski
Lionel Messi
David Beckham (Lucy tried her hardest to put him into Gryffindor, but I won't allow it because he was a ManUre player.)
Ravenclaw [Head of house = Arsène Wenger]:
Dennis Bergkamp
Niko Kranjčar
Iker Casillas
Fernando Torres
Xabi Alonso
Bojan Krkic
This house is pretty sparse...there aren't too many bright footballers around, are there?
Slytherin [Head of house = Sir Alex Ferguson]:
Thomas Vermaelen
Cristiano Ronaldo
Wayne Rooney
...actually, all ManUre players.
Didier Drogba
Michael Ballack
...actually, all Chelski players too.
Torsten Frings
Bastian Schweinsteiger
Oliver Kahn
...and pretty much all Germans (especially the ones in the 2002 World Cup squad.)
Martin Skrtel
Karim Benzema
Vito Mannone
Alvaro Arbeloa
Artur Boruc
Gerard Pique
Carles Puyol
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Esteban Granero
Emmanuel Adebayor (Wormtail: used to be on the good side, but has gone very, very bad.)
All Italians (I know Steph will be happy about this one, being a Slytherin herself.)
Michael Owen (Lucy has dubbed him He Who Must Not Be Named, so clearly he's Voldy.)
Yeah so we put a lot of people in Slytherin. Like I said, not all of them are bad, some just have the right characteristics. But some really are evil, i.e. Drogba, Adebayor, and Ballack.
To borrow a phrase from my World Regions prof, I should really stop drinking. Good night, folks.
