sarah, sartre, what's the difference?

Excerpt from my travel journal (actual trip recap to come later):

Paris, 6 March 2009

Friday night in Paris - sitting in Les Deux Magots with a glass of red Bordeaux and a notebook. I'm feeling inspired and philosophical...and like maybe I should go buy a beret.

Yesterday I had a meeting with my Biological Psychology professor to discuss my essay on the mind-body relationship that's due next Thursday. Ever since I learned there was a debate about the relationship, I've known my stance--I firmly believe that what we define as the mind, consciousness, or even the "soul" is a mere product or extension of the physical brain. I don't believe in some higher intangible element of our being that lives on after the body's death.

And not to offend anyone, but I think the main reason people do believe in an eternal soul is that they're scared of dying, of ceasing to exist. Religion began because a) people needed explanations as to how the world worked, and b) people wanted to believe that they would live forever, in some way or another. Now religion has become a tradition--in certain cases (but not all of course), a narrow-minded, bigoted, and prejudiced tradition--and even though science is answering all of these previous unknowns, people don't want to give up their God and their idea of Heaven because they're scared to death of, well, death. Truth be told, I'm scared of death too. Which is why I'm living it up in Paris while I can, I guess!

But back to the mind-body thing for a bit. There are some recent research developments that give evidence to support my claim. They are also totally mind-blowing and slightly disturbing. And super cool, if you're a nerd like me. So basically, fMRI scan technology has advanced to the point where it can quite accurately read people's intentions; effectively, a simple form of "mind reading". One form of experiment is as follows: they stick people in the machine then have them do simple mathematical equations without telling the researcher whether they are adding or subtracting--and based on the machine's readings, the experimenter can then predict what the final number will be. Of course, they can't read thoughts, and the data isn't instantaneous because it still has to be analyzed after it's collected, but the main point is that the most recent tests have shown that the neurons in the brain can start firing almost full seconds before a person is consciously aware of a decision they are going to make.

If this is an accurate depiction of how the mind works, it brings up a pretty scary prospect: free will, as we understand it, doesn't actually exist. We think our conscious mind is deciding something, but if our neurons have made the decision long before we are aware of it, then is it really us doing the deciding? Can we even be held responsible for our decisions? I don't think the excuse "my brain made me do it" would fly in most cases, but it's an interesting thing to think about. Some people say the human brain is incapable of understanding itself. Maybe that's true, because this stuff is blowing my mind...or my brain...or whatever. This type of technology also brings up a whole host of ethical issues, but that's for my Conceptual Issues paper, not my Biopsych paper, so I don't have to think about that until next week.

Well, that was a long and pointless ramble. Maybe there's something in the French air that makes people want to harp on about God and philosophy. Me and Descartes, just like two peas in a pod...

France has made me weird.

Weird, indeed. I just thought I should share.

there's clearly something wrong with my brain

I was going to blog this earlier but I totally forgot about it until now.

So three nights ago I woke from a very vivid nightmare at about four in the morning. One of those sudden eyes popping open and heart racing deals. Now this is unusual for me because I rarely remember my dreams, and pretty much never have nightmares. So what was so scary to my subconscious that it left such a lasting impression?

Well in my dream, there was a murderer loose on the RHUL campus. At least, I think it was here; I don't really remember the specifics in the beginning, but they're not really important. Anyways, people started turning up dead, and no one had any idea who was behind the grisly murders. For they were bloody--almost Jack the Ripper-esque. We were all terrified that it was someone we knew, or someone we were about to meet, and the police had no leads so they were pulling everyone in for questioning. I remember two friends of mine (twins) made a cameo; one died, and the other was very nearly accused of being the murderer. I also remember having a pizza with some random guy, and being terrified that he was gonna turn around and knife me.

But it wasn't pizza dude. The dream progressed and somehow I ended up at a football pitch that I knew to be Anfield, although it didn't quite look like it. It was more like an arena, with walls right around the field, kind of like a baseball stadium. Suddenly someone comes out of the shadows, crazy-eyed and holding a machete.

No lie, the scary murderer was Robbie Keane. He started swinging his machete and yelling "come on you Reds!" and mass pandemonium ensued. There weren't many people on the arena-field-thing, but the crowd was going crazy, screaming and everything. Keane started chasing people around the pitch, and luckily I was able to climb one of the walls and sit on top of it safely (he's not tall enough to reach me, see). Unfortunately, someone else wasn't so lucky. Some random guy ran into a door in the wall, Keane followed him, the crowd went silent in shock...

...and then I woke up.



So the current theory on where dreams come from is that they are a result of neurons used recently during the day, firing at random to strengthen connections while you're asleep. Your brain tries to make some sort of sense out of these random bits of information, so you end up with (usually weird) stories. I can rationalize the process while I'm awake, but still. WTF is wrong with my brain that it came up with this??

new place, same old habits

So my New Years resolution to stop procrastinating totally isn't panning out well. I have a 1500 word essay due tomorrow and so far I've written...250. AND I had all day yesterday to write it because I had no classes. I even put myself in voluntary isolation by refusing to sign on to AIM or MSN, and I still couldn't convince myself to work.

I just have a problem working without pressure. I can't force myself to write essays unless the deadline is mere hours away. As strange as it sounds, I write better like that. Even the knowledge that I would want to watch international football matches this evening/tonight didn't force my brain to concentrate and get my shit done early. So now I'm going to stay up all night to write about the limitations of the DSM classification system.

Sarah's timetable:

3:00-6:45 = Attempt to work. Try to get at least 1/2 of essay written.
6:45-8:45 = Croatia vs. Romania. Check up on a certain Arsenal player's progress.
[8:00-10:00 = France vs. Argentina. Mild interest, but probably won't catch much of it due to previous and next matches listed.]
9:00-11:00 = Spain vs. England. Theo being injured means I have (less than) zero interest in team Engerland, so viva Espana!
11:00-12:00 = Work? Doubtful. Will probably screw around on facebook until...
12:00-2:00 = USA vs. Mexico! Not merely a friendly like the others (pssh, like anytime we play Mehico could be considered "friendly"), but the first match of the final World Cup Qualifying round. I will no doubt be exhausted by this time, but there is no way I'm missing the game.
2:00 - ? = Nap. Will wake up in a few hours to finish essay.
12:00 Thursday = Deadline.