worst halloween costumes ever: blog challenge two

So yesterday, as I'm sure you are all aware, was Halloween. My costume was pretty sweet, if I do say so myself...

...but there were others that I saw that really were not up to par. So I have compiled a list of what-not-to-wears, Halloween style.

1) Most of us have seen Mean Girls, but really, the "slut rule" should not be taken that seriously. Don't be slutty unless your costume is also actually good. The generic ones that you buy online (eg. French maids, Catholic schoolgirls, Playboy bunnies) are boring, overdone, and show far too much of what lots of girls probably shouldn't be showing. There was one girl I saw at the party last night just wearing a black bra and underwear and boots. WTF she was supposed to be, I have no idea.

I did see a few somewhat clever ideas though. One girl that we met on the bus was wearing birthday wrapping paper with a tag that said "From God, to men": God's gift to mankind. There was also a girl who was wearing a rather revealing outfit, but she had two plastic fried eggs on her head: eggs over easy. I can forgive whoreishness on Halloween as long as you've got a unique idea to go with it.

2) Do not dress as Sarah Palin. It's just a big no. That includes both girls and boys.

3) Guys, do not go out with just a wig on. That's ridic lazy.

4) Girls, a black dress with two lipstick spots on your neck does not a costume make. I don't care how much you pout when you take pictures of yourself on the bus, you do not look like a vampire.


Some of the good costumes I saw out:

1) A grocery bag

2) Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

3) Indiana Jones (okay this was nothing that special, but I love Indiana Jones so this costume is always good)

4) A Piñata (already broken, with candy stuck all over)

5) Party on Garth, party on Wayne!
Schwing!

happy halloween!

Hope you all have a great night! Don't get too wasted, or you'll end up with embarrassing pictures floating around the net:


So yeah. Have fun, be safe, and watch out for monsters and aliens behind you!

derby day disappointment

Sometimes I hate life's little surprises.




WTF Arsenal?

i am five years old

Music videos with plush creatures make me happy:

sunday night football roundup

For some reason I don't write very often about football (the soccer kind) on here, despite it being my all-time favorite sport forever and ever etc. etc. I think it's because I don't get to watch it on teevee, as the stupid effing cable company in Blacksburg decided to stop giving me the soccer channels. So now I have to make do with shitty internet feeds. I look forward to school breaks even more now just because I can actually watch footie on a real HD TV at home. My whole family thinks that I do nothing but watch soccer and hockey, because that's pretty much all I do when I'm at home. But it's just because I have so much to catch up on!

Anyhoo, so yeah I don't talk about footie much because it's pretty difficult for me to make an accurate analysis of a game from watching it on a blurry three inch screen with commentators yelling things at me in different languages. From what I could tell today, Arsenal didn't play all that fabulously: we won 2-0 but both goals came late in the second half and the first one was an OG. But a win's a win, and I consider any game where RVP isn't injured a success. He was knocked down, but was up and about a few minutes later with no apparent lasting effects.

Random Arsenal notes:
1) Dudu is supposedly only a few weeks from returning to full training. I can't wait to see our little Crozilian play again!
2) Iceman wants to come back to Arsenal to coach! Uh-mazing.
3) Arsène, can we get a new captain, s'il vous plaît?

In other news:
1) Liverpool broke Chelsea's million-years-without-a-defeat-at-Stamford-Bridge record or whatev. Good on them.
2) Tottenham got their first win today after stealing 'Arry away from Portsmouth in a midnight raid, meaning no more Spurs triangle jokes. :*( Ah well, at least they're still bottom of the league.
3) With Redknapp's disappearing act leaving Pompey managerless, Tony Adams has taken over as the head coach, at least for the time being. You go, Tony! Make us proud.
4) Speaking of Portsmouth, Niko Kranjcar seems to be fully recovered as he played for a few minutes at the end of their game. The team is officially that much prettier again. Hallelujah and amen.

florida = worst state ever.

Florida State just injured both our first and second string quarterbacks. Sean Glennon I don't care so much about, but Tyrod? Really? I'm heartbroken. If it's serious I'm gonna go down there and kick some Florida butt. We don't even have a third string QB.


Also, this crazy woman comes from Florida:



"Are you joking? Is this a joke? Is that a real question?"

Oh, Joe the Biden. You crack me up.

wait, don't i get a sticker?

It was fun!

ten thousand dancing girls kicking cans 'cross the sky

So today my iTunes has been all about The New Pornographers.

...

Don't worry, they're a band.

A folksy hippie indie Canadian band, to be exact. They're actually a supergroup, sort of along the lines of Broken Social Scene and The Arcade Fire. And don't let the name deter you, because they're not crude or pornographic in any way. At least not in the traditional sense; I guess you could call their music ear porn if you want, haha.

But if you haven't heard them, you serious need to. The first album I got was actually their third, 2005's Twin Cinema, and it is still one of my favorite albums ever. It's one of those that you have to listen to all the way through because it sort of tells a story. Not in the literal sense with characters and a plot, but each song on the album blends so well with the others that skipping around just defeats the purpose a bit. And every song is fabulous.

As is commonplace with the bands I love, the lyrics are very intelligent and poetic. Plus they've got both male and female vocalists, which I love. (If you're also a fan, also check out Bring it Back by Mates of State. Husband and wife duo, and the vocals are just stunning.) The other things that are great about the album are the unusual time signatures and the really strong drum beats. They just give the whole thing such a cool and unique sound.

Their other albums are: Mass Romantic (2000), Electric Version (2003), and Challengers (2007). But like I said, get Twin Cinema first. I seriously doubt you'll regret it. And if you do, I'm sorry.

Sorry that you have such bad taste in music, I mean.

esperanto and eskimo poetry: blog challenge one

After rewatching this episode of The West Wing recently, a few things ran through my mind.

1) Governor Ritchie is a lot like a male version of Sarah Palin

2) I know what Esperanto is, but I've never heard any Eskimo poetry.

So I looked up some Inuit poetry, and it's not half bad.

I see your face.
It is always near me, though I
Am days away from you.
In dear memory, I always see your face.

I see your face.
Alone in the dark night
I turn down the light and
In the darkness, I see your face.

I see your face.
You did not want to cry, but I
Remember now, tears as we said goodbye.
That is how I see your face.

I will see your face.
Only wait. When spring birds fly
home to nest and mate, so shall I,
And I will see your face.

Pretty stirring stuff, huh?

But this was my favorite piece that I came across:

I got my poem in perfect order.
On the threshold of my toungue
Its arrangment was made.
But I failed indeed, in my hunting.

Hee!

bwahahaha

that is all.

i am vlad the impaler. don't tax me for working hard!

Disclaimer: I steal everything that is funny about this political campaign from the comedic geniuses at Wonkette.

Jumping on the whole "Joe the Plumber" bandwagon, the McCampaign has set up a "make your own sign" generator on their official website. The object is for you to fill in your name and occupation, and then I guess you can take your sign to a redneck rally and shout violent and racist things. Fun stuff, huh?


This is possibly the best idea they've ever had. It is serious fun!

Some possible rally sign ideas:

I AM Attila
THE Hun

I AM
THE Walrus

I AM creeped out by
THE saggy jowels

I AM the resurrection and
THE light

I AM voting for
THE other guy

The only problem is that the signs are sent to you through email, and they reject the ones that aren't serious. So I haven't gotten any official signs from them. Laaaaame.

nova is a state of mind...

...but apparently not actually part of a state.



Funnily enough, I agree with her. I disassociate myself with the *other* Virginia as much as possible. But I have to ask: if we're not really Virginia, does that mean we can secede? I vote we break away from the "real" Virginia and start our own communist egalitarian colony. Pantisocracy, anyone?

You know, many parts of "real" Virginia don't even like McCain. I spent three hours canvassing in Blacksburg neighborhoods on Saturday and only talked to one McCain supporter. Everywhere I went I saw Obama/Biden lawn signs, and many people I talked to invited me inside to talk for ten minutes about how much they hate Republicans.

It was a good time.

team ovie > team sidney

Capitals 4 - 3 Penguins

In Pittsburgh, no less! Woot.

Pitt got all of their goals out of the way first, and we were down 3-1 by the start of the third period. That's when things got crazy. There was an intense, frantic few minute span in which Washington dominated most of the possession, and it finally paid off in goals by Semin and Nylander to tie the game up.

Then there was a bizarre moment when the Caps got the winning goal--Gordon shot, raised his arms in celebration, skated away...and play continued on like it never happened. Initially everyone thought the puck had hit the post, but the telltale "ping" was never heard. We were all waiting for an official review, but it took over a minute for play to stop. Meanwhile, the CSN announcers had reviewed it on their own and "didn't want to ruin the suspense" but were dropping hints that we'd "like the results". Very strange stuff. And poor Gordon never got to properly celebrate his goal!

Green had an awesome hit on Malkin in the last minute or so. He also had some beautiful shots during the game, but Fleury was just too good. Speaking of beautiful, um, Kris Letang anyone? Oui, s'il te plaît! I'm still super jealous that my sister lived in the apartment next to him all summer. And she totally didn't appreciate her situation! She didn't even know who he was, silly girl.

Am I a dirty whore for lusting over the opposition? Better question, do I care? Of course not! He's certainly better looking than Ovechkin. Much as I love Ovie, even I can't say he's anything resembling attractive.

Nerve-wracking end when the Pens pulled Fleury out for the extra man, but we managed to hang on.

*sigh* Man, I've missed hockey season.

rant of the day

The most annoying thing in the world: people who walk slowly in front of me.

My legs are pretty long, which naturally means I have a long stride. And it's freaking annoying to be forced to take tiny steps because the guy in front of me thinks it's cool to walk slow. Here's a tip: it's not. And this is not a fluffy little pet peeve. This is a huge monster-under-the-bed peeve. I hate these people. I wish death upon these people.

Of course, this doesn't include people who have legit reasons for walking slow. No, I'm talking about the ones who amble along in large groups, taking up the whole pathway, and occasionally stopping to talk to their equally annoying friends traveling just as slowly in the opposite direction.

To these people: may your sports teams never win and your cars never run. May your hair fall flat and your pillows be lumpy. May you always be called out in class when you don't know the answer and may your coffee spill on your new white shirts.

i will eat your soul!

Last night was the final presidential debate between John McCain and Barack Obama. I'm not going to go into the actual substance of the debate, because it wasn't anything we haven't heard a million times before. I just really wanted to post this Reuters picture.


I swear, this is not photoshopped. What in the name of Iker is that crazy man doing? Yahoo news says he is "react[ing] to almost heading the wrong way off the stage after shaking hands with[...]Obama". Looks to me like he's practicing his zombie impression. Halloween isn't for another 15 days, ya moron.

what is it about...

...Fernando Torres?

He doesn't play for my favorite club, he's pale and freckly, and he has serious hair issues--the hair on his head is always either too long or too yellow or too mullet-y, and he waxes his leg hair. Weird.


But despite all of his issues, I can't help but love the boy. He's graceful, he can score goals, and he's really funny when angry. Foreigners swearing in English FTW.



There is also this:

Muy caliente. I so would. Even with the Grandpa-turtleneck sweater.

i'm a heartless bitch

Have you ever had the urge to laugh uncontrollably at a very inopportune moment? This happens to me a lot. Probably far more often than it should.

Today during my Moral Philosophy class we were talking about abortion. We're devoting several class periods to it, debating both the liberal and conservative sides, and even talking a bit about stem cell research. Now on the whole, abortion isn't really a funny subject at all. The problem is that I started watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia yesterday, and the second episode is all about abortion. During class I just kept thinking about Mac and Dennis trying to pick up girls at an abortion rally and then I'd have to seriously restrain myself from cracking up.

Mac: I hate dead baby fetuses, you know? I hate them because they’re dead, and they shouldn’t be. They should be alive, and they should be loved.

This show is serious amazing. It has now made it onto my very exclusive list of favorite TV shows. It's extremely politically incorrect, so if you happen to be easily offended, it's probably not right for you. But if you happen to be a heartless bitch like me, go watch. No joke, it will make your day.



[P.S. Thanks to everyone who told me about it, specifically LS and Erin. And thanks to Nathan for bugging me about it for the past week or so. Much appreciated.]

i love lists

Things that I miss while I'm at school:

1) Tysons Corner Center, AKA a mall that is more than one level and five stores.

2) Whole Foods Market.

3) Starbucks breakfast sandwiches.

4) My gym.

5) Geisha, my pretty papillon.

6) Fox Soccer Channel and GolTV (as well as a big screen TV with HD).

7) My best friend Emaline and her strange sense of humor.

8) Civilization. People, as opposed to farm animals.

just call me rob fleming.

(the protagonist from High Fidelity of course, not the Canadian politician.)

Top Five Albums of All Time, selon l'opinion de Sarah (with youtube links so you can check the bands out yourself! Yay!):

5. The Velvet Underground - The Velvet Underground and Nico
When you mix 60s American experimental art-rock with a German vocalist and Andy Warhol, it's hard to go wrong. This album certainly proves that. It's very easy for me to see why it's become one of the most influential rock albums ever: this is sex, drugs, and rock & roll at its finest. May be slightly too weird for some; I'm sure it's not everyone's cup of grande dark roast coffee, but I love it and that's all that matters, because it's my list.

4. The Clash - London Calling
Greatest punk album of all time. No question. Also greatest album cover of all time. Not much else I can say, really.

3. Radiohead - The Bends
(the linked video is from the concert I went to in May...seriously the best performance I have ever seen)
It's so difficult to choose one Radiohead album that I like over the others because I love pretty much every single one of their songs (save for a few on Pablo Honey). I tend to get a lot of grief when I say this is my favorite Radiohead album, though. OK Computer is the most critically acclaimed of them all, and Kid A seems to be most die hard fans' favorite, but I'm partial to this one because it's what got me liking the band in the first place. I'm slightly ashamed to say I used to think they were boring. But several years ago a friend made me buy The Bends, and I was hooked. It may be more "commercial", and it certainly speaks to the mood of the 90s alternative music scene, but with bone-chillingly beautiful songs like "Fake Plastic Trees" and bitter and sarcastic nods to their own success a la "My Iron Lung", this CD is one that never leaves my player for very long.

2. Paul Simon - Graceland
Probably not as well known as the others on this list, but without a doubt just as good. I like Simon and Garfunkel well enough, but this solo effort by Simon is better by far in my opinion. It's like a musical journey all around the world (funnily enough, the title of the last song on the album), from Memphis to Africa to New Orleans to the Southwest, and it features Linda Ronstadt, Los Lobos, The Everly Brothers, and Ladysmith Black Mambazo, to name just a few of the contributing artists. The lyrics are fabulous, the bass beat is catchy, and the video for "You Can Call Me Al" even features Chevy Chase. And who doesn't love Chevy Chase? My parents claim no good music was made in the 80s with the exception of this album; I say there are plenty of fabulous albums that came out of the 80s, but this is certainly one of the best.

1. The Beatles - Revolver
This album holds a special place in my heart, because I grew up listening to it. My mom sang me to sleep with "Here, There, and Everywhere", and I danced around the living room with my dad to "Doctor Robert". Even without the sentimental ties however, this would still be my favorite album of all time. I can't even put into words how amazing The Beatles are, so I'm just going to assume everyone agrees with me and those who don't have chemical imbalances in their right temporal lobes. The end.

Dude, that was way too hard. (That's what she said?) I'm gonna add some more to the list because I feel bad cutting them out.

Honorable mentions (in alphabetical order) go to: Cat Stevens - Teaser and the Firecat, Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures, The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema, Pink Floyd - Dark Side of the Moon, The Smiths - The Queen is Dead, and Sufjan Stevens - Illinois (aka Come On, Feel the Illinoise!)

"never put off till to-morrow what you can do day after to-morrow just as well."

I have an American Literature midterm tomorrow, so naturally, I'm blogging instead of studying. It's how I roll. (Although that quote at the top is Ben Franklin...I'm procrastinating by writing quotes about procrastination that I actually might need to know for my test so it's not really procrastination at all...trippy.)

I've spent a highly productive evening cutting the split ends out of my hair. You think I'm joking? Ohh no. It's a seriously strange and strangely addictive habit--the more I cut out, the more I find, so it's a never ending process. And since pretty much every hair on my head seems to be damaged, it's kind of like I'm giving myself a very uneven haircut. The sensible thing would be to get a real haircut, but when have I ever been sensible? I'll get it trimmed one of these days. But just because I'm slightly obsessed with my hair doesn't mean that you all want to read about it. So I'll move on to a quick weekend sports recap.

Da Bearss lost to Atlanta today. We are now 3-3, which isn't very good, but no one else in our division is doing well either so it's okay. I didn't watch the game because I was on the highway driving back to school in my shiny new-engined car. (Which didn't break down! It's running fabulously after it got all of its insides replaced, plus it looks amazing because my dad got it detailed.)

The Caps lost their season opener to Atlanta (what is it with Atlanta teams, huh?) on Friday, but beat the Blackhawks yesterday in their first home game. I'm pretty optimistic about most of the team; of course Ovie is always going to be amazing and Green looks as good as ever, but I'm a little worried about Theodore, the new goalie. Hopefully he'll improve as the season goes on.

[Random note: Sarah Palin dropped the ceremonial puck at the Philadelphia Flyers' home opener and got booed hardcore. They had to turn the music up way loud to try to drown out the chorus of boos she got. And it totally didn't work. Also, note the two Obama/Biden signs in the crowd behind her. This makes me like the Flyers a little bit more. Or at least their fans.]

No league footie this weekend, on account of World Cup qualifiers. I only saw the first 20 minutes of the US match against Cuba, but we won 6-1 which is a good sign. Beasley's first goal (the only one I saw) was quite nice. Other scorers were Donovan (meh), Ching (awesome), Jozy (equally awesome), and Gooch (haha, yes really). I haven't heard anything about the two missing Cuban players. I'm imagining them wandering the streets of DC in their match kits, shivering in the frigid 80-degree October weather. (Fuck global warming BTW. I want snow!)

I did get to see Spain vs. Estonia, which was about as interesting as it sounds. Spain pulled out an easy win, and they looked good but not fabulous. Nando's hair is looking so much better than it used to though! Definite plus. I always forget how much I like him until I see him play for Spain. Cesc's hair, on the other hand, I will not mention.

I will now end with another quote, this time from John Adams, just so I don't feel like this was a complete waste of my time.

"Had a declaration of Independency been made seven months ago, it would have been attended with many great and glorious Effects...We should have mastered Quebec and been in possession of Canada..."

Hee! Our second president totally wanted us to invade Canada. Awesome.

hahkee, eh?

Hockey season starts tonight! Well technically it started yesterday I think, but the Caps first game is tonight. And that's really all that matters.



I mean, how do you not love a team that rides Segways around town?



[BTW I saw one of these tours in action last time I was in the city, and my sister and I could barely contain our laughter as we passed them. When they had moved down a side street she asked, "do they not realize how ridiculous they look?" and some random guy walking ahead of us started cracking up. It was great.]

meanwhile, back in communist country...

I got home late last night and found this on my front lawn:



I figured it was my sister's doing, because she had been saying that she wanted one. But turns out my mom was the one that got it, and my little brother stuck it out in our yard.


I love my family.

i wrote my feelings down in a rush, i didn't even check the spelling

I've been listening to Maxïmo Park a lot lately.

When Our Earthly Pleasures came out in early 2007, I actually didn't like it as much as their debut. A Certain Trigger was rough, a little odd, and incredibly catchy, and their sophomore album seemed a bit reserved in comparison. It was certainly not as frantic or unhinged. But the more I listened, the more I realized how good the CD--and the band--actually is.

They're generally lumped in with a whole slew of British indie bands that have gotten famous over the past few years, but in my mind they stand out. The poetic eloquence of the lyrics mixed with that hyper britpop music makes them both irresistably singable and danceable. They are one of the few bands that I really don't get tired of listening to.

I think the lyrics really do make all the difference. They're intelligent, witty, often nostalgic and bittersweet and yes, maybe even sometimes a little verbose. No Doubt said "don't speak", and Maxïmo Park say "conceal those thoughts that linger on your breath." They could almost sound pretentious in this way, but Paul Smith's thick northern accent (really not something that screams pretentiousness, on the whole) brings the sound back down to earth. My sister once said I liked "smart music"; I guess this is what she meant.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. But I challenge you to listen to "Our Velocity" and not jump around your room like a maniac at the love is a lie, which means I've been lied to, love is a lie, which means I've been lying too line. I swear, it can't be done.

ruminations on the chicago cubs

Last post about my epic failure of a baseball team, I swear! I'm sure you're all getting tired of them. Frankly, I am too.

I feel like the weather has been mocking me for the past few days. Since Saturday, the days have been bright and sunny but not too hot--nothing but clear blue skies and light breezes. I fucking hated the sunshine. And today, when my broken heart has started to heal and I'm finally feeling better, the rain sets in. That's okay though. In fact, the gloominess was rather comforting.

I've had several days to reflect since the devastating loss, and I'm now feeling much better about things in general. I've been through the five stages of grief (rather quickly, I might add...each year the pain is worse but the recovery seems to be quicker, because we've been there time and again) and I am ready to accept the fact that the Cubs will never win the World Series. (The 12 Step program is also a big help, for those of you in need.)

Earlier I wrote that being a Cubs fan is kind of like having a psychological disorder, and I stand by this hypothesis. I firmly believe that I have contracted a hereditary disease (passed down through the female line, from my grandmother to my mother to me). Call it Cubsfanitis or something. This disease manifests itself in several ways: foolish optimism in the face of insurmountable odds, a somewhat masochistic addiction to something that brings nothing but pain and suffering, and a deep, impenetrable October depression.

Our old saying is "there's always next year", and every year, deep down in my heart, there's a glimmer of hope that next year will really be the year. Like I said earlier though, I have now learned my lesson. In the past I have been disappointed, but it has never gotten to a point where I just give up. I always thought, well at least it hasn't been 100 years yet. But now? We've passed that mark, and there's no looking back. This year was like a slap in the face. A quick, dirty, and depressing wake up call. Our purpose, as far as I can tell, is to never win the World Series.

I think the real problem is the hype. There was so much hype about the 100 year drought; there were so many uncanny parallels with the 1908 season that everyone thought that maybe this really was our year. It was supposed to be fate. I think that the players were put under so much pressure by the media and the franchise and the fans because of it that they just crumbled. And every year we don't win will put more pressure on next year's team to do the job.

The law of averages says that it's gotta happen sooner or later, but the law of averages doesn't take into account human nature. Pressure to perform and to succeed has to be a huge thing for any team, let alone one that has 100+ years of expectations weighing on their shoulders. This is why I've given up on the big prize. I will still love my Cubbies, for better or for worse, but I will no longer allow myself to believe that we can actually win. Maybe this will keep me from getting too disappointed come next October.


Sorry guys. Longest. Post. Ever. If you didn't read all that crap, no matter. I just wrote it to get it off my chest.

Ahh, catharsis. Feels good.



[P.S. DeRo, you're still my hero. Don't listen to the haters.]

greetings, comrades!

I'm sure looking forward to the demise of America's evil capitalist society once Barack "Osama bin Laden Saddam Hussein Stalin" Obama becomes president--er, sorry, I mean Chairman! Don't know what I'm talking about?

Joe McCain, brother of our dear old dotty Republican nominee John, called Northern Virginia "communist country" at a rally last weekend. This has cheered me up to no end. I totally don't agree with the campaign spokesperson saying that his attempt at humor was "unsuccessful", because it sure as hell made me laugh. My favorite part is at the end of the article, when she claimed, "John McCain and Sarah Palin are committed to winning the support of voters in Northern Virginia and understand the region's importance to victory statewide."

Yes, the region is very important. You won't win Virginia without NoVa. And guess what, McCampaign? You won't win NoVa. You're even having a tough time with the rest of the state, which is slightly hilarious seeing as how so many gun-toting bible-worshiping crazy rednecks live there. So call us communists if you must (because I mean, it's better than what Johnny calls his wife), but then don't come crawling back, begging for our support.

We've already given our elitist liberal bleeding hearts away to the other guy.

swept again

(edited to include a video)

by the shores of old Lake Michigan
where the hawk wind blows so cold
an old Cub fan lay dying
in his midnight hour that tolled
around his bed his friends had all gathered
they knew his time was short
and on his head they put this bright blue cap
from his all-time favorite sport
he told them, "it's late, and it's getting dark in here
and I know it's time to go.
but before I leave the lineup
boys, there's just one thing that I'd like to know

do they still play the blues in Chicago
when baseball season rolls around?
when the snow melts away, do the Cubbies still play
in their ivy-covered burial ground?
when I was a boy they were my pride and joy
but now they only bring fatigue
to the home of the brave, the land of the free
and the doormat of the National League."

he told his friends, "you know the law of averages says:
'anything will happen that can'
but the last time the Cubs won a National League pennant
was the year we dropped the bomb on Japan
the Cubs made me a criminal, sent me down a wayward path
they stole my youth from me
I'd forsake my teachers to go sit in the bleachers
in flagrant truancy
then one thing led to another
and soon I discovered alcohol, gambling, dope
football, hockey, lacrosse, tennis, but what do you expect?
when you raise up a young boy's hopes
and then just crush 'em, like so many paper beer cups
year after year after year...
after year, after year, after year, after year, after year
till those hopes are just so much popcorn
for the pigeons beneath the L tracks to eat
you know, I'll never see Wrigley Field any more
before my eternal rest
so if you have your pencils and your score cards ready
I'll read you my last request:

give me a double-header funeral in Wrigley Field
on some sunny weekend day--no lights!
have the organ play the National Anthem
then a little 'nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye'
make six bullpen pitchers carry my coffin
and six groundskeepers clear my path
have the umpires bark me out at every base
in all their holy wrath
it's a beautiful day for a funeral
hey Ernie, let's play two!
somebody go get Jack Brickhouse to come back
and conduct just one more interview
have the Cubbies run right out into the middle of the field
have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly
give everybody two bags of peanuts and a frosty malt
and I'll be ready to die

build a big fire on home plate out of your Louisville slugger baseball bats
and toss my coffin in
let my ashes blow in the beautiful snow
from the prevailing 30-mile-an-hour southwest wind
and when my last remains go flying over the left field wall
I will bid the bleacher bums 'adieu'
and I will come to my final resting place
out on Waveland Avenue."

the dying man's friends told him to cut it out
"stop it, that's an awful shame!"
he whispered, "don't cry, we'll meet by and by
near the heavenly Hall of Fame.
I've got season tickets to watch the Angels now
so that's just what I'm gonna do
but you, the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs
so it's me that feels sorry for you!
so play that lonesome losers tune
that's the one I like the best."
he closed his eyes and slipped away
and that was the dying Cub fan's last request:

do they still play the blues in Chicago
when baseball season rolls around?
when the snow melts away, do the Cubbies still play
in their ivy-covered burial ground?
when I was a boy they were my pride and joy
but now they only bring fatigue
to the home of the brave, the land of the free
and the doormat of the National League.

I really can't say it any better than Steve Goodman.



[P.S. Tom Hanks famously said in A League Of Their Own: "There's no crying in baseball!" I should listen to Tom Hanks more often.]

macho man

I love Macho Harris.

That is all.

my thoughts are misguided and a little naïve

I know very few baseball fans and even fewer Cubs fans--not counting my mother of course, who grew up outside Chicago and is the reason I'm a baseball fan in the first place. You know, I could probably blame her for screwing up my life because of that...but I guess that's another issue entirely.

Being a Cubbies fan is kind of like having a psychological disorder. I'm generally a happy, carefree, optimistic sort of person, but when October rolls around I fall into a perpetual state of depression. I assume I'm not the only fan that feels slightly bipolar. Also, Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Are all Cubs fans insane, hoping and wishing and expecting each new season to be different? Probably.

To get to my point, here's the lesson I learned last night: getting drunk is not the answer. Because now I'm depressed AND hungover, and I'm pretty sure I failed a World Politics quiz. But hey, it's not the end of the world. It's not even the end of the series! So um, roll on Saturday, and let's see some more of that astounding suckitude that we all know and love.

Go Cubbies.


t-shirt from cubscast.com

fuck the goat!

Not literally, obv. I'm from Virginia, not West Virginia, people!

But seriously now, this is the Year of the Cub. No more curses. No more Bartman-esque debacles. No more dropped fly balls or shortstop errors or game-losing double plays. 100 years of suckitude is coming to an end this October.

Fuck the goat and bring on the playoffs!

homecoming and hunter thompson

I love drunk people.

One of the fraternities we have been paired up with for homecoming week is too small to have a house, so last night we had a party at one of the boys' apartments. We went straight to the kitchen when we got there, so it wasn't until later that we saw that they had a massive version of this picture on the living room wall. My friend LS, who had already had several drinks by this time, started yelling about it.

"It's Hunter S. Thompson! That's so badass! Who LIVES here? I want that poster! Look, it's Hunter S. Thompson!" etc. etc. She pretty much sounded insane. But she's a bit of a crazy drunk, so we would have expected nothing less from her.

Honestly, if I had had a few more drinks, I probably would have been yelling with her. Because she's right. Hunter S. Thompson is badass.

More homecoming craziness to come tonight, probably.